Thursday, February 23, 2006
I have never been good at handling stress very well. I internalize everything and personalize it too. Look at my gray hair. Is that from stress? I've been graying since my 20's. My twin has no gray hair at all. Nobody grayed early in my family, but me. Look at my weight, I can't remember being thin since I was a teenager, except when I was on my mission in Spain and preparing to run in a 10k run in Long Beach when I was in my early 20's. The rest of the time, I stress eat myself into being overweight. I really don't take good care of myself. Last night I had a stress attack.... pounding headache and body tension, which lead to lack of sleep. Why do I get myself in a tizzy? I'm trying some relaxation techniques, where I close my eyes and think of a happy calm place, while taking deap breaths. I did that this morning, thinking about sitting on my old dock at the Colorado River on the CA-AZ border. It helped a little, I could feel my shoulders kind of relaxing. I let everything stress me out: work, church, money, family, house... that about covers everything in my life. I'm really afraid I will keel over from a heart attack one of these days, sooner rather than later. Life has never been really easy for me, and I'm sure it's not for most people, but I truly can't remember a time in my life, where everything just hummed along. Is that normal? I have to fight for everything it seems, and I usually don't win. Thank goodness for the love of my family, especially Page. If I didn't have that, I don't know where I would be. (see I told you I was stressed today).